private sector international diplomacy

me: so, joe, what line of work you in?
joe: private sector.
me: what kind of private sector? oil? automotive? drycleaning?
joe: no. international diplomacy.
me: private sector international diplomacy? how does that work?
joe: well, i’m with the so&so strategic solutions inc. we specialize in comprehensive, a-to-z sustainable conflict resolution methodologies, and we’re currently on a long term contract to the us department of state and are mandated to find a sustainable solution to the conflict in the so and so region. currently we are conducting the situational analysis to determine the contours of the operation, and engaging key leaders -basically working on early stages of shaping a sustainable solution. we are authorized to ‘shape’ the field of actors and obviously at times when we feel the solution is being stonewalled by a certain party, we have various means at our disposal to convince or eliminate those parties. we have multilayerd collaboration with several branches of the armed forces and the intel community. our people are also travelling throughout the region to put together some firsthand information pieces, and next year i am also going there to get an on the ground perspective. the project is currently scheduled for 15 years with an optional 7-year stabilize-&-sustain period where we focus on regime securitization and institutional development and capacity building of the domestic security sector. usually our folks work on one or two such projects during their lifetime, and we pick them early on in their educational careers to guide their studies to fit to a specific theatre. many go on to become senior advisors in the goverments of nations they have helped ‘solve’. Our board of directors is primarily composed of former ambassadors as well as former leaders of countries we currently engage in. We have had a largely successful record of forging sustainable national solutions so far. Except, well, for that one time when a lead project consultant could not resist the temptation and went rogue. He wrote the constitution and appointed himself lifetime emperor of the country and somehow convinced all the native key players to accept the deal. then he kicked out the us embassy (which is our country office) and took an anti-american stance, within a week forming an alliance with several other members of the hexagon of mischief. we did not feel this was a truly sustainable solution and besides the state department came down rather heavily on us and invoked some terms of our terms of reference, saying that it all constituted a breach of the contract. we were in a bit of a mess that one time and had to resort to staging a bloody coup d’etat, which we generally prefer to avoid. but apart from that, it’s going really well, and the growing market size lately seems to favor greater investment too -this is why we’ve been engaging with several ivy league universities to ramp up their exotic languages and global and strategic studies departments, and our subsidiary ‘consent solutions’ has been obtaining a larger stake in the print and multimedia industry.
me: right. hm.


i swear one of these days this will be an actual exchange conducted in a most matter of fact way.

what’s next – privatize defense and warfare?

wait, that already happened.


~ by safrang on October 14, 2009.

One Response to “private sector international diplomacy”

  1. right, defense one has already happened.. and I had a conversation very close to this.. it was unbelievable what this people thought they were doing.

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