must be the clouds in my eyes

today my baby sister left for her studies abroad. first ever girl of the family to do so. sort of a historic moment for the family.

(and ain’t it funny that no matter what their age, they are always our baby sisters.)

anyways… anyways.
i am a bit overwhelmed.

once i said goodbye and kissed her and told her to be strong and take care of herself… and then she was gone. for at least a good few months. it was then that i realized how much i still had to say to her. things that i, as an older sibling, as one who has been there and done that, i.e. studied abroad as the first in the family, has to say, is obligated, expected to say.

i called her on her cellphone afterwards to do that, but could not. could not find the right words to describe and sum up all of my experiences as a first-timer student abroad, and just the right sort of attitude, the skin, that it takes to weather it all.

i am excited for her, for how much she will learn and grow and experience. but i am also scared for her. because it reminds me of the many lonesome afternoons when no company and no subject could fill the hollowness i felt in my life, that old infamous experience of being displaced.

in some ways, her going away is going to leave a void like that now that i am the one being left behind in the family. all these intervening years -how will she change? how will we change? how will those changes be out of step with each other? will it make us into strangers? those silly jokes.. will we just smile at them as remnants of our common past? or will we will retain the connection to laugh at them as heartily as we did yesterday afternoon?

there is this hit song by elton john called daniel. it’s admittedly one of the ‘most misinterpreted’ songs ever. which means i might as well interpret it how i like. i used to listen to it and remember my siblings. though in those many years i was the one away from home, still it evoked this sense of longing to be with them. i would probably cry listening to that song now.

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes

They say Spain is pretty though I’ve never been
Well Daniel says it’s the best place that he’s ever seen
Oh and he should know, he’s been there enough
Lord I miss Daniel, oh I miss him so much

Daniel my brother you are older than me
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal
Your eyes have died but you see more than I
Daniel you’re a star in the face of the sky

Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes
Oh God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes


~ by safrang on July 2, 2008.

4 Responses to “must be the clouds in my eyes”

  1. It is so hard, isn’t it? the lonesome, the excitement and the strangeness of a far away land.. for the first few months, it is really confusing and lonely and huge…the baby sister going away and all you want to say to her and you can’t.. I know how it feels.. and the anticipation and yet fear of change..

  2. آرزو می کنم ماه همسفرش باشد و آسوده برگردد
    (ترجمه ای بد ا ز یک گفته ازبیکی)

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